In the process of breaking up with my feelings because I’m too attached. It’s sort of heartbreaking, not being able to share all my feelings or thoughts for fear of embarrassing myself or seeming like too much. But I guess I’m not only in love, but I’m also infatuated as he is in love but not infatuated, or something. So caring too much, not the best feeling. Hard to fix. Everything is easier said than done. Heart hurts, but I want to be mature and consistent with his degree of balancing between other things and us.
Trying to fight the urge to tell him that he doesn’t ever have to feel insecure about anything because I think he’s the greatest at everything. Or that I love him so much, all his perceived imperfections and mannerisms. That I love talking to him and I never want to go back home when we’re together. My heart wants to share how much he means, but my head makes the final decision. “Your heart can’t afford to be told in response, ‘Aww thanks, babe. You too, hun.’ It can’t afford feeling put down every time he can’t make plans, or being embarrassed when you say too much about making love together.” Every time I feel a flutter I have to crush it, or else I’m afraid I’m going to be heartbroken worse than I’ve ever been before.